Through the dark
by Lycanthropia
Summary: Kate deals with some hidden feelings. Oneshot? I don't know yet.


**Disclaimer: **I own NOTHING except the plot, I suppose.

**Author's Note: **Title inspired by KT Tunstall's song of the same name. Bear with me. I was on a Paul Bettany/A Knight's Tale high but I think I did an OK job. Don't know which in direction this fic is going or if I'll ever continue it. Just read and enjoy. Oh, and review if you feel like it. Thanks.

**Through the dark**

If Kate was ever asked to describe William Thatcher with a single sentence, she would simply tell you he was like a ravening wolf hunting its powerless prey. He was relentless - not a quitter. With his slow, but merciless pursue he was always sure to get what he wanted. In this case it had been fair Lady Jocelyn and a triumph over Count Adhemar. Will worked hard and did everything he could to prove himself worthy of the things he earned. If William did not deserve the things he had recently won, she did not know who did.

Kate was not going to conceal her feelings on the matter from Roland, Wat or Geoff. She _was_ jealous. She was jealous of Will and Jocelyn. Jealous of their happiness. Did Kate not deserve to be happy? She had not been happy since her beloved husband died. Sure, she smiled, laughed and joked about with the men, but at night there was no one to soothe her when memories of her husband haunted her. Though it was only fond memories, Kate would wake up sweaty and sobbing, longing for someone warm and caring to be lying next to her, holding her tight and whispering soft words. She had to stay strong for her husband. He would never have wanted her cheerless like this. It would have broken his heart.

Kate was jealous of the way Jocelyn had easily lured Will in and enveloped him in an impenetrable mist of blinding love and nothingness. It was by all means wonderful and amusing to see him awestruck every time she walked by or they had exchanged simple words, but it soon became bothersome. It turned into an irritating affair for Kate. Thanks to Jocelyn and her open-mindedness around the opposite sex, Kate now felt like a frigid cow. "Better keep them at distance. It could be Thomas all over again," was something she repeated in her head when she actually caught herself envisaging Wat and Geoff, the only ones not taken. After all, a pair of strong arms wrapped around her was better than the cold that usually surrounded her.

But most of all, Kate was jealous of Jocelyn because she had Will eating right out of her palm. Despite the fact that she had been defensive the very first moment she met the four, she had been smitten with Will at first eye cast. He was a few years younger than her, undeniably, but he had an air of maturity and sensibleness hanging around him. She admired him for that. Wat .. He was temperamental and suffered from a chronic case of the munchies. Especially regarding tansy cakes. Roland was too reserved. He was a true friend, but Kate could never imagine herself with someone who was raised to serve others. While Will was raised the same way by the exact same knight, he had been quick to transform from follower to a true, well-liked leader. Geoff was an interesting person. Though he might come off as aloof, he had a big heart of gold beating underneath and could be a cheeky troublemaker as well as a compassionate listener.

The men celebrated their differences by being the perfect team. The protector, the nurturer, the advisor and the leader. Not two of them looked alike. Strong redhead. Stubby brunette. Gangly blonde. Young golden-haired. They had but one quality they all shared – though not the same colour, their eyes were full of kindness and certainly never lacked passion. It did not matter whose eyes she looked into, three pairs of brilliant blue or one pair of warm brown; she saw the same emotions in them all.

The thing that really set Will apart from his men was his smile. The lopsided grin that never failed to catch her attention or make her go slightly weaker in the knees. A single smile from him was enough to make her forget what she was doing, where she was and everyone else around her. Jocelyn did not deserve to be the cause of most of his smiles. Kate was not sure she did either. She just yearned to be the object of affection of someone decent. Someone like William Thatcher.

Kate found it fascinating, yet tremendously exasperating how she watched his every move like she had no other choice. She knew deep in her heart she loved him and always would. It was clear. Had never been clearer. It was not the same kind of love she had felt, and still did feel, for her husband, Thomas. The love for William had stemmed from admiration and respect. It pained her to see Will so happy with Jocelyn and completely ignorant of everything else around him. She struggled to think of something else, anything really, but each time she tried her thoughts just returned to him. The untamed hair, dark eyes and soft features. Geoff was the only one to know just how much she loved Will. Wat and Roland knew she was jealous. They merely shrugged it off as "women stuff". She had reluctantly confided in Geoff. He had not been able to help her. He wanted nothing more than for Kate to be happy again, yet he would not risk his other friend's happiness for it. How could she possibly be angry with him for wanting the best for his friends? She could not. She was thankful for having him near whenever he was needed.

Most nights Kate would go to bed staring at the cold, empty spot next to her. A small batch of tears would stain her pallid cheeks and she would soon fall asleep. The pain of feeling all alone in the world was too much for her when she was awake. She slept to forget the feeling. Little did she know that someone else felt a growing pain in _his_ heart at the sight of her miserable and wanted nothing more than to be the one of her dreams and the one to hold and comfort her.


End file.
